Showing posts with label journalling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label journalling. Show all posts
Saturday, April 25, 2020
CVD = COVID Diary
I've thought off-and-on about journalling throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, but let it go, choosing instead to stick to my usual un-routine of journalling when I need it (none of this is public anyways).
Earlier, I shared highlights from two radio interviews about COVID-19 diaries: Documenting life during a pandemic.
Interesting, I thought, as I listened.... so am playing with the idea of blogging throughout this.
My perspective is that of a single female introvert, living alone, working at home, and feeling very grateful for everything: Canada, BC, our healthcare system, my health, my job, my apartment and all the time I have on my hands.
The pandemic aside, I am perfectly content to spend days alone. It's as natural as breathing for me. And considering I just spent 10 years living with family, after 30 years of living alone, I am especially grateful to have my own space. Physical space, but mental, emotional and spiritual space as well. I had largely lost touch with those aspects of myself after I began co-habitating, so this is more time along the path I have been on since December.
Background music: Under My Thumb (Rolling Stones), Heart of Gold (Neil Young), Down on Mainstreet (Bob Seger), White Lightening and Wine (Heart), Whole Lotta Love (Led Zeppelin)
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
The me that is me
Today, in a stationary store, I recognized myself. I felt like the me I used to be. No, not going back in time, but feeling the essence of the me that is me, in the me of me today, or in the me of me that I will be tomorrow. Or next week. On the other side of this transition.
I recognized the way I move, the way I move through my day, going from a to b as the me who is me. I didn't know what I was missing, but that was it, is it. The me that is me.
Today I opened a journal, looking for notes on something for the move, and I found my journa entry from the night mom passed away. Oh, up, up and away, sweet momma.
I also found my journal entry from just a few days prior, when Maui rallied and started eating, on the day I thought we would need to put him down. And we deferred it. He was cuddled in my lap, and I marveled. And I wrote about how Maui taught me to never give up. That he did.
I am not giving up on finding the me that is me again, even if I'm not the same me anymore. How could I be? I am all filled up with momma love and Maui love. And even now that they no longer sit here with me, they are a big part of the me that is me.
I put a picture of Maui in my new apartment yesterday, where he can watch over me.
I no longer just have hope that this will be over, i know it will, and I can see myself on the other side. I ferl myself. There.
The me that is me feels a bit of glee!
Labels:
#30DayChallenge,
#holocene30,
grief,
journalling,
Maui,
moi,
mom,
reflections
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