more showing up

write, just write. that's the thing to do when you want to write, but nothing comes to mind. ok.

I pause to reflect, and I almost fall asleep.

I see the face of someone experiencing great loss.

I see images from a dream last night - one with great red cabinets in a (my?) bedroom.

I crave images of a beach, to hear waves, to have nothing to do for a week or 2 or a month. maybe I will soon.

Right now, I should be at the house. Packing, purging, organizing, taking charge, getting stuff done, creating light at the end of the tunnel. And I will be soon, As soon as I get this off, I will be off. But so many aspects  of the chore are daunting. Not the task itself, but there is so much baggage, of the emotional type. One can try to put it aside, but then stuff crops up, from seeing something, from touching something, from others helping.

I have been enjoying the bliss of having a long time to get out of the house, but now is the time to act. We have plenty of time, but I want to move in such away that we have ample time and are not pressured as the last day draws near, not panicking with loose ends. And, to do that, I need to make a big dent today. I want to make a big dent today.

Onward!

Making a dream come true

I have long wanted to get back to Europe, I have seen so little, but the past 3 years it just hasn't happened... But my world changed today. I will be jobless in 2 months, so my thought is to give up my apartment, head to Europe with my laptop, and do contract work remotely while I travel. I figure there are no jobs in my field at the moment, and I can always come back if I find something, so why not uproot myself? I am a little in shock that a dream is coming to fruition, but it all seems to make sense with turning 50. Interesting times ahead

Global girl

In the last 48 hours, my thinking has totally changed. New ideas about how to travel this globe. Lots of possibilities to ponder.

Paris dreaming...

I've GOT to get back to Paris...

http://peter-pho2.blogspot.com/

Creeping up on 50....

Ah, so time ticks away... and I find it is less than a month until I turn 50. I am ok with that, but I am still amazed and I don't know how life has flown by so fast. My brain still thinks of me as about 30.

It's leaving me reflecting on "50's" of things.... Like 50 things I still want to do, 50 great memories from the first 50, stuff like that.

Some intial thoughts (and I may return to add to this list....)

50 THINGS I STILL WANT TO DO...

1. See Rome
2. See Led Zepplin live
3. Sell a piece of my art
4. Visit Ottawa and our national museums
5. Visit the Artic
6. Take the train across Canada
7. Learn another language
8. Take a transatlantic crossing
9. See Gaudi architecture in Barcelona
10. Go to the Rock of Gibralter
11. See Moscow's awesome subway stations
12. See a rock concert at Madison Square Gardens or the o2 in London (or both ;-)
13. Make a difference in this world
14. See the Bay of Fundy
15. See Michael Angelo's David - to witness what the amazing efforts in WWII to save it gave us
16. Visit Amsterdam
17. Go to the Sydney Opera House
18. Visit Normandy and the Canadian memorial
19. Take an overnight train in Europe - lie in bed being rocked by the train...
20. A carriage ride around Central Park
21. Have nude portraits taken
22. Get a tattoo of my own art
23. Show my art at a show or in a cafe or something
24. Go through the Chunnel
25. Visit Checkpoint Charlie

50 GREAT MEMORIES.(or some just interesting...)...

1. Paris - sitting outside on the 1st level, journalling and reflecting on all that got me to that point - and just enjoying BEING IN PARIS!!
2. Celebrating my 30th and Carol's 40th in San Francisco...
3. One especially sexy man
4. Breaking a board with my bare hand
5. Seeing Aretha Franklin at Radio City Music Hall
6. The Andy Warhol Museum in Pittsburgh
7. Discovering that I have an amazing talent for doodling (who knew?!?!)
8. Waiting for the Dalai Lama to speak in a stadium when the audience broke out in spontaneous singing of "Oh Canada!"
9. Going back to Kamloops for my 20 year high school reunion
10. My very first record album: George Harrision - All Things Must Pass
11. Listening to Who's Next as a teenager, the volume blasting, and me sitting outside on the curb trying to look cool
12. The jade ring my mom gave me as a teenager -- I had received the stone as a young tyke when I wrote a letter to the man who came to town to show off his jade saddle
13. The experience of producing Tommy in Grade 11
14. Having my picture taken with an elephant when I was about 6 (ok, I don't remember, but I remember the pic!)
15. Going to my very first film festival in my 40's - I think I saw 20 films in 2 weeks!
16. Hurling over the handlebars of my sister's bike when I was about 8, knocking out my front teeth
17. The first time I felt flattered to be asked for ID
18. Having lunch with Sophia Loren
19. Going to the Live Earth concert in New York
20. Visiting Chamonix - and getting light headed at the top of the Gondola
21. Summers in Whistler with Kelly
22. Speaking at a conference in Geneva - not so much the "accomplishment", but it was such a great experience - being flown there for free, and such a small and interesting group of delegates -- out for dinner with two dozen people from a dozen countries
23. My very first apartment
24. My first car
25. The day I sold my last car and decided to never own one again
26. Housesitting the cat from hell
27. The 3 months I spent in Halifax
28. Being in Queen Elizabeth Park when a man began singing (practicing?) opera at the top of his lungs
29. The 1888 house I lived in: converted attic with skylights, sunken floor, tin roof and totally private balcony
30. My first university class - a mix of 18-88 - discussing ethics - I loooved it
31. Expo 86
32. The time I wore 2 different coloured shoes to work
33. Seeing the Who - wow... and ZZ Top, and The Rolling Stones ... and Stevie Wonder... and Eric Clapton...
34. Getting picked up on a street corner - and going for it!
35. When I proved to myself that I could flirt
36. Getting my first tattoo
37. Street lights around my rice crispies

50 THINGS I APPRECIATE

1. Patti's art
2. Patti
3. My mom's huggles
4. My mom
5. My brother's generosity
6. My brother
7. Sweet memories of Carol Leigh
8. Grey Goose
9. Avacados
10. Art
11. Being a Canadian
12. Kakuro
13. Purple
14. Kindness
15. Really good coffee
16. All the people who have touched my life
17. My sense of humour
18. Learning to like hockey
19. Swimming
20. Books
21. The awesome Vancouver Public Library - it lifts my spirits
22. Bucky Beaver!
23. That I actually did write a book
24. That Vancouver is my home
25. My creativity
26. New York City!!
27. That I like my own company
28. The CBC
29. 2nd hand book stores
30. Being comfortable in my own skin
31. Documentaries
32. That life is a learning process that never ends
33. Having my assumptions shaken up
34. Learning something new
35. Smart people
36. History - and I appreciate that I appreciate history!
37. The breakwater in Victoria
38. Coincidences
39. The Starbuck's team in my building - who make my drink without me saying a word
40. The Sunday New York Times
41. Doodling

To be honest, thinking about these things also has me thinking about the saddest moments in my life, and difficult times that I somehow got through. I'll save those for a private journal, but this is a GOOD process to go through.
;-)