Not So Random Reflections

Another picture taken on my birthday in Vancouver: soothing Passion Fruit tea at the corner of Denman and Davie, sitting in a sunbeam...

What a difference a few hours make, or a few days, or just a different lens on the world, or having given my head a few good shakes.... or feeling the effects of taking care of myself...

Today mom is off doing her own thing, leaving me at home, alone, for, what, I think the first time in almost a year - aside of when I've been on a week long respite break. Today, I got four hours, maybe it will extend to five, but it feels like an eternity to one who gets my energy from being alone with no agenda. She should be home anytime now, but I feel so wonderfully restored.

After 30 years or so of living alone, I never would have thought that just four hours to myself could possibly be enough to restore - I would have thought I'd needed at least a day, if not two. But things are different, and I am learning to cherish little breaks. Like sunbeams.

It could be that I had a good base coming into today -- after my decent respite break and mini-vacation in Vancouver last week, or mom's less-than-usual-degree-of-emotional-turmoil return from Piercy Respite Hotel on Monday, or the body work I had done last week, or a change in a medication - who knows... but that base probably helped.

It probably also helped that I was able to see the preciousness of my time today. As much as I wanted to sleep, I resisted the temptation. I put on a pot of coffee and went out to my art studio -- that I've barely set a foot into since mom's fall in the summer - and had my breakfast there, reading an art book, then doing a little collage/doodle art myself. A lovely sunny day here, so it actually got hot being there too long. Then took a relaxing shower, put on some soothing music (Hennie Bekker - haven't listened to that for a long time!), and doodled - and, yes, dozed, a little.

Pleasantly surprised to feel refreshed and restored. I forgot what this feels like. And it feels good.

I'm almost hesistant to say that, I don't want to count my chickens before they are hatched, but, hell, it's worth celebrating! I honestly don't think I have felt this good since last summer. That could be selective memory, but who cares. It feels new, and a relief.

I have work to do today, but intentionally postponed it until after mom is home - so I'd have my me time for me - after all, it's supposed to be respite! I'll dig into that shortly, but wanted to capture this moment, this feeling. To cherish it. To celebrate it. And, yes, to remember it, because there will, I'm sure, be many more moments of feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope or think straight. I think they come with the territory these days. But something about today WORKED. Hallaleujah!

Mom is at a day program at Mount Newton. They pick her up here in the morning, she gets a bus ride with other attendees - then spends 4 hours on site at their facility. They start off with tea/coffee and muffins in a big sunroom, then move to an activity room that feels more like a living room for chair exercises and, if they are lucky, some live music. Lunch is a hot meal cooked from scratch on-site; those that are still capable are invited to take part in the meal preparation. After lunch is a changing program: perhaps a speaker, or games, or something like that. Then back on the bus at around 2:00 and another ride and hopefully some interesting places to see as they drive her group back home. It's a good program: they have a careworker on the bus, as well as a driver who has a care training. I am relaxed knowing that she is in good hands.

Oh, somewhere in there, probably the morning, mom gets her turn in the bath. It's quite a wonderful contraption they have - I can't wait to hear how much she liked the jets - and how happy she will be having had a real bath for the first time in ages. Since her summer fall, she's had just bird baths in bed, and showers during her stays at Piercy, that's it. The little old bathroom here is too small and dangerous for her to use....

[Pause]

Well, my precious cargo has arrived home. Mom is squeaky clean, smiling and chattering on about having had a really good day. And she is looking forward to going back again next week. So, success all around.

Now it's time for me to move onto my work for today, but glad I captured this moment and feeling. With grace, it shall return over and over again.

Fifty Three

A little message found in the sand at English Bay Beach yesterday. Seemed made for me.

A quiet birthday, but just what I needed. Here in Vancouver on a respite/vacation break, staying at a friend's apartment in the West End while she is away travelling. Same building as my sister Carol lived in 30+ years ago, same suite layout, oddly comforting. Yesterday I went out for breakfast, walked by the ocean, had a nice tea, did some healthy things for me - then came home for a nice evening at 'home'. My best friend Kelly came over to visit. We ordered in Greek Food and enjoyed a bunch of wine and gabbed away the night.... Not as exciting as 51 up the Eiffel Tower, or 50 in the Big Apple, but perfect for me right now.

Looking forward to a new year. The last one was a wee bit rough, or perhaps I should say had a few rough patches, but it's all a process.

Last night these words fell out of my mouth, and I've been doodling around them, and want to capture them here:

Some people need roots... I need wings.

A birthday and a jet plane

I celebrated my 51st birthday in Paris with a trip to the Eiffel Tower. This is me in my sweet new red coat that I got at the "soldes" (sales) for 70% off. The scarf is from my stay in Berlin.
I timed my visit to go up at dusk, so that I could see the sunset, and the city of lights at night! I was rewarded with quite a spectacular sunset, that my camera skills can't really do justice to.

Twice while I was up there, the bright lights began popping. This happens for 10 minutes every hour. It's spectacular from the ground, but really quite amazing when you are standing among them.

It was CCCOOOOLLLLLDDDD up there, so much so that by the time I saw they had gloves and hats in the souvenier shop, I didn't care what they cost or what they looked like. Fortunately, they were pretty reasonable, in both cost and appearance.

I finally warmed up with a glass of champagne in one of the chi chi restaurants up the tower. My birthday splurge including a bowl of pumpkin soup. The soup arrived as an almost empty bowl with some veggies (pumpkin and ?') in the bottom, a huge dollop of thick cream, and a teensy Romain lettuce leaf in it... the soup was then poured around it. Unusual and very tasty. Good thing, as these 2 precious bits cost me 27E!

I began celebrating my birthday the day before with my friend Bill who lives in Boston, but has a flat in Paris, and just happened to be here at the same time as me. He took me out to lunch in a very French wine bar, then for a long walk in the city topped off with tarts and macaroons (my treat) and champagne (his treat - and very good!)

One of the stops on our walk was the Jardin de Palais Royale where Bill's favourite piece of public art has just been restored at a cost of 6 million Euros. I confess the piece of paper that Bill wrote the artists name down for me is packed (more on that in a minute), so I'll leave it at this for now: it's made up of tons of black and white striped columns and is very cool. This is Bill leaning on one of the columns.

This is me, of course, sitting on a column and swinging my legs. Made me feel like a kid (heh, my last day at age 50!), as I'm so tall my feet almost always touch the ground. There was swinging room!

Here are our feet, looking down to the water part of the piece down below the grill...

This is what the whole thing looks like in a wide shot. As I say, very cool.

Now back to the Eiffel Tower for a moment.... this is what it looks like when the bright lights start popping while you are up the tower....

OK, now to the bit about the jet plane... I am flying home to Canada tomorrow. Not a recent decision, but haven't said much about it until now. For the curious, here is how I decided to come home at this time... The below began as a journal entry this morning, then evolved into a story I could share.

Happy reading... and for those of you I know in Vancouver, will see you soon, I am sure....

_________________________________________________

I lie here in bed in Paris, the morning of my last full day here. In Paris. And in Europe. And I am a little surprised to feel sad. Sad, I suppose, because this has been such an awesome experience, but all things must come to an end. Well, sort of. This trip is coming to an end, but not my life ad a traveller.

I made the decision to come home two months ago, then slept on it for a month before altering my plans. But it felt right and it still feels right. Just wasn't expecting the sadness, it snuck up on me. But it's ok. I expect I will feel a range of emotions over the next few days and weeks. And months.

Speaking if months, I have been gone seven. Coincidentally, to the day. At least on this continent. I arrived on July 29 last year, and will list off tomorrow - homeward bound - on January 29.

So, why am I coming home so soon? Each time I have been asked that question, I burst out laughing. Seven months is a looooooonnng time!!! :-) heh.

I only attract this question from people at home who hear I am coming home, as when I left I said I was going for a year.

Why did I say a year? I don't know, but I learned quickly that "I'm taking off for Europe!" would evoke "For how long?". Even if by fluke, or by design, I managed to just talk about the trip and not give a firm response, I would invariably get "How long will you stay?". So I said a year.
I said a year, but truth be told, I really didn't know. My focus was on going. Going, going, going! I am going to Europe! Whoopieee! Heh. So it was an answer that left me a lot of time to figure out what I really wanted to do.

So.... The idea to return when I am came from a period in Rhodes, Greece in November (my 1st trip to the island), when I was unwinding in the sun, not caring if I ever saw another museum (a clear symptom of museum burn-out, also referred to as one being "museum 'd out), and thought back over my trip....

I had had SUCH amazing experiences by that point (only about 1/3 made it onto this blog). I cherished each one.

As I rolled each mmemory over in my head, I had this satisfying sense of richness and satisfaction. My cup was full. My cup runneth over. I was full, and I needed time to digest.
I found myself trying to write a list of my top 10 experiences - not as easy as it sounds, when you have so many. And it struck me as the kind of thing one might do to mark closure. Ah, oh, so.... maybe it's time to head home?

As I said, I didn't rush my return, as that was two months ago. But I realized I was ready. There were other factors as well.

One was the Olympics. The only thing that had dissapointed me about the timing of my trip was it appeared that I would miss them :-(.... unlike those who can't wait to get out of town, I crave to be there, in the buzz of the excitement, enjoying all the free stuff. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity I didn't want to miss.

Plus.... I felt like I'd had enough idleness, enough aimlessness, I needed something for my mind to wrap itself around again. Plus.... I want to see my sweet mom, who let me go with such grace, but for whom I know in-person visits would be such a joy (I am giving her my presence as her birthday present next month :-).... Plus, there was one more reason.... let me think.... Oh yeah. I'm broke !!!! Or, better said, I'm B.R.O.K.E. Heh. So earning some money again would be useful. Now there's an understatement! :-)

So.... it's just time to return to the "real world".

I have no doubt that I will travel again. This will be a time to reflect on this trip, and to begin planning the next one.

So there you go. I began to write this as a journal entry (on my iTouch in bed), but then realized it could become the blog entry I wasted to make today. I wanted my "I'm heading home" post to tell the story, so I won't have to tell it over and over again..... If someone asks I can point them to the answer.

Now, time to get up, get some coffee, and plan my lady day in this fair city and this fair country. And continent.

btw, the sadness lasted as long as it took for me to write that. I'm cool, though still a bit surprised that the day has come....