Review: How to Get Run Over by a Truck

Inspiring, frank, a good listen

Katie's story is both breathtakingly frightening and inspiring. I have often wondered how I would go on living if I suffered a tragic accident, and my life as I knew it ended. Now I don't wonder so much. By sharing her journey ~ made better by hearing her speak it, in her own voice ~ I can see the ups and downs, the emotional rollercoaster, the path towards acceptance, and seizing life all over again. I also appreciated Katie's sense of humour as she shared her experience. Thanks for sharing Katie.

The chalkboard

“I draw a line down the middle of a chalkboard, sketching a male symbol on one side and a female symbol on the other. Then I ask just the men: What steps do you guys take, on a daily basis, to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted?

At first there is a kind of awkward silence as the men try to figure out if they've been asked a trick question. The silence gives way to a smattering of nervous laughter. Occasionally, a young a guy will raise his hand and say, 'I stay out of prison.' This is typically followed by another moment of laughter, before someone finally raises his hand and soberly states, 'Nothing. I don't think about it.'

Then I ask women the same question. What steps do you take on a daily basis to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? Women throughout the audience immediately start raising their hands.

As the men sit in stunned silence, the women recount safety precautions they take as part of their daily routine.

Here are some of their answers: Hold my keys as a potential weapon. Look in the back seat of the car before getting in. Carry a cell phone. Don't go jogging at night. Lock all the windows when I sleep, even on hot summer nights. Be careful not to drink too much. Don't put my drink down and come back to it; make sure I see it being poured. Own a big dog. Carry Mace or pepper spray. Have an unlisted phone number. Have a man's voice on my answering machine. Park in well-lit areas. Don't use parking garages. Don't get on elevators with only one man, or with a group of men. Vary my route home from work. Watch what I wear. Don't use highway rest areas. Use a home alarm system. Don't wear headphones when jogging. Avoid forests or wooded areas, even in the daytime. Don't take a first-floor apartment. Go out in groups. Own a firearm. Meet men on first dates in public places. Make sure to have a car or cab fare. Don't make eye contact with men on the street. Make assertive eye contact with men on the street.

 ― Jackson Katz, The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help”

#MeToo

#MeToo, let me count the ways, or a few of them.

1 and 2. I had a job that required me to visit a territory of retail stores every 6-8 weeks. In 2 different locations, creepy owners would grope me in their stockrooms. I dreaded returning to these stores, but didn't really have a choice, and spent my time dodging these men.

 3. Was staying at a hotel for a business function. Had to visit the room of the suppliers who I thought I knew well and trusted, and he forced himself on me.

4. Invited to an office open house / celebration party with a company I was doing consulting work for. The owner of this 30 person company chose this moment, with his staff standing around, to reach out and place a sticker on one of my breasts. Didn't say anything at the time, but I did call him on it later and withdrew my services.

5. A former employer asked me, as a favour, to come back and deliver a particular training session for an important audience, including the company's new President. Just before the session, when I was introduced to the President, he shook my hand and drew me towards him, and French kissed me. Then I had to deliver the training session.

I'll stop there, though there have been more. I am speaking up for all those who can't, and to add my voice to those making it clear that sexual assault happens all the time.

These days I am far more likely to speak up and tell someone to take their hands off me... but one really doesn't know how one will respond until you are in the situation, and you are caught off guard, and there is usually some kind of power dynamic going on.

Review: Brain on Fire - My Month of Madness

Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness by Susannah Cahalan
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Fascinating real-life story... it could happen to anyone

An amazing glimpse into a frightening experience by a woman who "lost it" and could very well have spent the rest of her life on a psych ward, if it wasn't for the brilliant doctor who figured it out. Could you imagine having no memory of a month? This journalist pieced together what happened to her, and takes you along for the ride. Compelling story, well written, and so adeptly narrated that I forgot that the author and narrator weren't the same person.

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Doubted.

Doubted.

I feel doubted by someone. It's the oddest feeling (well, maybe not oddest, but unfamiliar and uncomfortable).

I am one of those people who is so honest I squeak. Like the time a vending machine was giving me change for a $20 every time I put $5 in (it was at a former workplace, I told them so they could fix the machine, and I gave the money back). Like a million times I've made a mistake, and fessed up or fixed it or apologized even though no one would have ever known. 

So it's a bit of a shock to realize that someone is doubting me. This feels like someone questioning my integrity, or thinking that I can't be trusted.

I actually think in this circumstances that this person hasn't really thought it through, or hasn't paid attention to the details of a situation, or hasn't grasped the full picture, so I don't take it too seriously, but I am interested in my initial reaction. 

What I felt first was hurt. Then shock. Then confusion. 

Why would anyone think I would intentionally deceive them? Do they think so little of me? Why? 

Even though I haven't done or said anything untoward, it still gives me a sinking feeling. And I feel shadows of shame flash through me. Old childhood stuff, vestiges of learning the consequences of my actions? Past recollections of times I was doubted in the past? 

I remember being a teenager, and being called into the Principal's office and questioned about the fire alarm that someone had pulled the prior evening. I was accused even though I had nothing to do with it. Of all the kids that were in the school that night, somehow I was the only person who they could fathom would do such a thing. A few days later, it was revealed that one of the 'good' kids had done it, by accident, when she fell against the alarm. 

That's not in the arena of this current situation, but it was a time when I was judged. Even when one is innocent, to be accused, or doubted, there are moments of shame. Perhaps only natural, but odd nonetheless. More than once I've had to go within, really think about a situation, before I could let myself off the hook, and relax, knowing I hadn't done anything wrong. Though, of course, there have been times when I have found an action or omission that I hadn't thought about, that needed correction, or an apology, or whatever. I am grateful that I learned to speak up when I screw up, to take personal responsibility when I have messed up.

I digress...

In this situation, I am surprised that I m doubted in this situation. I know there is no reason to, but, of course, perception is reality, in the eyes of the judger. What have I said or done to cause this person to doubt me? 

Of course, it may not have anything to do with me. 

Perhaps this person believes the worst in people, until proven wrong. I'm the opposite, but I understand some people have been conditioned this way. 

Perhaps this person has been lied to, or deceived, so many times, that they "can't" trust anyone. 

It's hard to say, but it's disappointing to realize that one has been painted with a broad brush of something that is far from the truth. 

But it's not worth worrying about, per se. There's nothing I can do about it. And I realize there are probably a whole lot of other things going on for this person and, when under stress, we respond differently than at other times. 

I'm going to give it a pass, and not let it get to me.

I know the truth.

But I'm glad I paused to take a look at this. It takes some of the sting of hurt away, and lets me sleep at night.

Review: A Gentleman in Moscow

A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

What a lovely book, charming, entertaining, full of surprises

I enjoyed this book even more than I thought it would. Well written, and extremely well narrated. The Metropole Hotel came to life for me, especially through a child's eyes, exploring the nooks and crannies, taken up by its illustrative resident. There was more depth and history here than one expects, and plenty of life lessons. I shall recall the Count's philosophy. A light and entertaining read.

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No no kuru

So I had this situation yesterday where I was dizzy, but it wasn't solved by eating or sitting down. It could still very well have been caused by lack of food or sleep, but I came to realize it wasn't dizziness, per se, but a lack of balance. My head felt weird, kind of heavy, and I found myself weaving when I tried to walk. Vertigo? I've been known to faint, due to low blood pressure, but this felt different. I felt more like I might fall, than pass out. My equilibrium was off.

Yes, I left work, left my car there, asked for a ride home, and a walk to my door. And lay down, for hours. Food, water, sleep and not moving largely dissipated the feeling, but it would come back when I tried to walk (I had joked with my ride that maybe I had an early earthquake warning system, because the ground was definitely moving). So lay I did. And still am.

I've been reading about vertigo, which describes what I've been feeling more than anything else. I found this article, Sleep Tips for Vertigo, to be informative. It actually makes me worry less, and provides obvious and practical healthy things I can do. I've been careless about sleep all my life.

After awhile, I became curious about other recent symptoms I've had that might indicate something... and remembered I had that thing of where you can hear the blood coursing in one ear. If you've ever felt this, you know what I mean. If not, it's fairly subtle, as if you're finally quiet enough to hear what your body is doing every day. Read a bit about how this can relate to an inner ear infection, etc.

Along the way, I got a good laugh about causes of lack of balance:

Kuru (not!)

Kuru is a neurological disease contracted through cannibalism of the dead during funeral rites. While probably true, #17 of 18 possible causes of poor balance would send some people around the bend. I "love" the internet. This gem was found here.


Good grief.

Incidentally, I found a balanced perspective and useful insights on "pulsatile tinnitus" from Harvard in Ask the doctor: Is it worrisome to hear a pulse in my ear?

Tonight I'm feeling ok. My sister is here, so not worried about anything serious. Hopefully more rest and just taking it easy will have the feeling pass. I'll see a doctor if the symptoms persist or come back. Otherwise, I am grateful for signs from the universe that I need to be taking better care of myself.

The Orkney Islands' Ring of Brodgar

The Ring of Brodgar in the Orkney Islands

Inspired by a Lonely Planet article, Stinge Henge: eight alternative ancient stone monuments, I  have been learning about the Ring of Brodgar.

Most henges don't actually not contain stone circles; but Brodgar is a striking exception. It ranks with Avebury and, to a lesser extent, Stonehenge, among the greatest of such sites.  It is part of the UNESCO World Heritage Site known as the Heart of Neolithic Orkney.

Also known as Brogar, or Ring o' Brodgar, the henge  is situated about 10 kilometres (6 miles) north-east of the village of Stromness, on Mainland Island, in Orkney, Scotland. Mainland is the largest of the Orkney Islands, and the ring of stones stands on a small isthmus between Loch Harray and LochStenness and Harray.

It is thought that the monument was erected between 2500 BC and 2000 BC, which would make it the last of the great Neolithic monuments built on the Ness. Flint arrowheads found nearby seem to date from the Bronze Age. An excavation was undertaken in 2008 to settle the age issue, but they are still digging through the results, so to speak.

The Ring of Brodgar stone circle is 104 metres (341 feet) in diameter, the third largest in the British Isles.

While today only 27 stones remain standing, the ring originally comprised up to 60 stones. The tallest stones stand at the south and west sides of the ring. The famed "Comet Stone" stands on the southeast side. Unlike similar structures such as Avebury, there are no obvious stones inside the circle.

Part of a concentration of ancient sites, and the northernmost circle henge in Britain, the Ring of Brodgar is part of a significant ritual landscape.

Within 5.2 square kilometres (2 square miles) there are the two circle-henges, four chambered tombs, groups of standing stones, single stones, barrows, cairns, and mounds.

The Ring of Brodgar has been recognized as part of the "Heart of Neolithic Orkney" World Heritage Site in 1999. Others sites include in the designation includes Maeshowe, Skara Brae and the Standing Stones of Stenness.


Related resources

Stinge Henge: eight alternative ancient stone monuments - LonelyPlanet
The Boy with the Bronze Axe - Kathleen Fidler*

* the 1968 novel depicts the Ring of Brodgar as a male-only space in which a lamb is sacrificed in a midsummer ceremony

Review: The Goldfinch

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Oh, what a book!

I enjoyed this book from the beginning, but it didn't take me long to realize that this was one of the best books I had ever read. Half way through, it had moved up to best, and after that I wondered how I could bear it to end... then in the home stretch the story took a turn that took me totally off guard. It made it hard for me to relate to the main character, Theo, to even like him... stunned, I hung in there, and for the most part, I was able to reconcile the strange twist. I am glad I discovered Donna Tartt's writing, and I will be seeking out more. David Pittu's narration was superb. I loved how each character had his or her own voice (Boris' clever Russian accent!), truly bringing their personalities to life, allowing me to get lost in the story. Enjoyed the New York setting, glimpses into the worlds of art and antiques, realities of depression, drugs, and the inner struggles as one finds one's own way in this world. I couldn't put this one down, definitely lots of long stretches of listening. Very satisfying.

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