Alice Koller

 An Unknown Woman by Alice Koller became best seller, but to me it was just a pivotal book that I enjoyed immensely. 

Interestingly, I ‘discovered’ it when it was sitting atop a stack of books in a bedroom in a decorating magazine. I liked the room, and became curious about occupant, so pulled out my magnifying glass and copied down the title and author. Bizarre but true. 

Her story of selling everything, getting a dog and hiking up in a cabin on the beach in Maine in the winter appealed. *

I was thinking of the book today, on International Women’s Day, and looked to see if it was on Audible, sadly not. Though I probably have a copy around here somewhere ...,

In the process,I discovered that she passed away in 2020. Alice Koller dead at 94 - New York Times

*As a side note, I also enjoyed May Sarton’s Journal of Solitude, penned in a similar setting.

Is it just me, or all introverts?

Listening to CBC today, and the various stories about how people are handling isolation, it left me feeling grateful for being who I am: an introvert who enjoys my own company and perfectly content to spends days on my own.

Aside of those with genuine concerns as a result of their health, family or work situation (which I have total empathy for), it was those who simply don't know what to do with themselves home along for long stretches that got my attention.

Beyond that, it was the ones that were feeling traumatized that interested me. Really? I don't say that in a sarcastic way, I say it in a "oh, so some people are really torn apart to be alone?". As in learning, and having my eyes opened. It was a comment by an extrovert that made the penny drop. I know that extroverts get their energy from others, but I don't think I'd understood how distressful it can be just to be alone for long stretches.

But perhaps I can understand, from the other side, as an introvert who just spent 10 years living with others and I almost lost my mind. If I don't spend copious amounts of time alone, I can't think, and I don't know who I am. I have no energy and I become desperate. Same thing, other side?

Anyways, I do not mind days at home alone. Having lived alone for 30 years, it's a common way of being for me, and I'm perfectly content. Since (finally) having my own place again, the days at home since December have been bliss.

Yes, I do like to do stuff, and not having access to coffee shops, and arts, and so on, is certainly missed, but it's not upsetting. Just think of the money I'll save!

Right now I have my headphones on, listening to jazz, with my feet up, and sun bouncing off the windows of the hotel across the street. Trying to decide which book I'll turn to after this, a historical novel set in Egypt in the 20's (a library score), or the Audible memoir of a woman who fell for a fake man. Wish I had more library books, but there is no lack of reading material here on my bursting bookshelves. And Audible is endless in terms of content.

I am quite happily living without TV, especially in current circumstances. CBC Radio One gives me pretty well all I need, without endless visuals of masks and hazmat suits to haunt me. Podcasts and online content fill in the rest. I'm actually not big into social media at the moment, but it's there if I need it. I've only recently been taking advantage of my Prime Video, maybe watching an hour or two most evenings, as distraction.

Then, there's silence.

Anyways... was curious as to whether other introverts feel the same. And if I was truly in isolation for weeks perhaps I'd feel differently, but I don't think so. Good thing, and I feel grateful that I am so well positioned to whether this storm.

It leaves me lots of room to learn about how others are coping without it overwhelming me.

And having this ah ha moment about how hard others are finding this is one such learning.

Randomness

So much for blogging before work... it seems that the tired-er I get, the later I leave, and the less time I have before work. But a good reminder as to how much I prefer arriving super early.


Last week was a heavenly break from routine. Last Monday I 'finally' qualified to be able to take unpaid vacation at my new work, without impacting my status (it has been a long slog, but I made it!). They were kind enough to grant me my request to take the rest of the week off. I requested this only partly because I was burnt out and needed a break, but primarily due the extraordinary timing: my niece was in town, so she and my sister were out every day with the van (I had been planning to bus it all week). So......... this meant that if I was home, and they were out, I would - finally - get some stretches of time alone. So that's actually what I did.


After 30 years of living alone, it is still an enormous adjustment to have spent the last 9 years living with other people. Especially when there has been no ability to get away from each other.
I had a HEAVENLY week... perhaps made so much so because I hadn't been expecting it or even hoping for it. Suddenly, pow, there it was. What a relief!


Not that I did much (although that was the point).


I did create a new reading spot in my bedroom, so that I can be alone and not just lounge on my bed, or sit at a desk. It's a spot where I have been reading, journaling, drawing, and propping up my dinner to eat in solitude while doing puzzles. With my headphones on, listening to a podcast or book, I am in another world. It's made a world of difference.

new digs

 

I wonder if the folks who invented stand-up desks ever pictured one atop a fridge? Well, that's where I am right now, as it's about the only place to put a laptop in my new digs. Except my bed, which has been a combination office, reading zone, sleeping zone, eating zone for the past week. It's a small apartment fridge, so not too high (about 5'5"?), about chin height for me. A bit high, but a good stretch on the calves standing here, and a welcome change from the horizontal.

 

Yes, I have moved, and I have my own place for the first time in almost 7 years. There's been lots of good in those years, and I chose it all, but I sure have missed the simple bliss of my own place. When I'd left my last apartment, giving away almost all I owned, and taking off to Europe for a year or so, I had been living alone for most of the previous 30 years, so it's how I know myself best.

 

I drew the above a couple weeks ago when I learned I got my new place, and I picked up the keys a week ago. Yesterday, I got wifi - yeah! Otherwise, I have my new-to-me king-size bed (bought after spending 1 night on an air mattress (and the realization that I am not 37 anymore!). I've bought a few things over from the house, but will probably camp out here until we do the big move, or 2, as we whittle down what's left in mom's house. It's sold, and we have a couple of months to transition.