Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Reflections, Slivers and Magic Moments

Sometimes I wish I could capture the running commentary that goes through my head. It's quiet, and thoughtful, but sometimes it's like a blog post... words have always been natural to me, so I think sometimes it's like I'm writing my thoughts. Once in awhile, I'll stop to capture those, to journal, and maybe to blog. But most of the time, they just drift away.... not gone, but faded into the background. The background of my life. But it does remind me to write more. When I was travelling, I actually journalled a lot. "Home", I seem to have fallen out of the habit, despite the fact that it works so well for me. It's kind of like it's a sliver of my identity that I embrace at times, and neglect at others.

Like swimming. Swimming is a sliver of my identity, that when I am doing it, or I am just in a swimming zone in my life, it just feels so right.

Writing is a sliver. And just plain old reflection is a sliver.

Doodling, I have discovered, is one of those slivers. And it's a sliver that I am actively embracing. When I doodle for an hour or so a day, I feel grounded. When I doodle for hourS a day, I am transported somehow. I just am. It's a great way of just being for me.

I am a little surprised to find photography working it's way into my psyche. It's something I obviously like from all the pics of my travels, and since, but it's more than that. It's like my partner in observation. I like observation. Another sliver, perhaps.

Today when I got off the bus, I looked down and saw this tiny purple doll's hat on the road by the curb. It just struck me. Where did it come from? How did it get there? And why did it catch my eye? Instead of walking on, I took a moment and took a picture of it.

I've been taking pictures of the cherry blossoms at the office where I am doing some contract work. As I walk towards their office, two rows of cherry blossom trees, on each side of the sidewalk, frame the building (ordinary) and the mountain vista beyond (spectacular). The other day the wind blew as I was walking through the trees and it was snowing pink petals all around me. It's the kind of thing that takes your breath away.
And sometimes at the end of the day, I've caught some dusk pics from Skytrain stations, the kind of thing you only really "see" if you stop and notice. A rainbow. A sunset. The late afternoon sun glowing through an office building.

I have been noticing that I am taking time to observe in my daily life, still, upon my return. It's something I know I did all the time while travelling, but as I am now "home" almost 2 months, and my surroundings familiar, I am pleased to find that I haven't lost the way I observe things, and often stop to soak it in. Thank goodness I have not fallen into the oblivion of trudging through life oblivious to the beauty and interesting things around me. That's a sliver I cannot afford to let get away from me.

On that note, having been away, I am so enjoying Vancouver's mountains right now. They do take my breath away, frequently. I have always appreciated them, but I think I have been guilty of taking them for granted in the past, at least sometimes. I remember when I came back from Halifax (when I lived there for 3 months, when was that? 87? 88?)... how I would just wander around in awe of the mountains. I was actually a little dangerous. At least now, I don't drive all the time, so there's no danger of my stopping dead in my tracks on wheels. heh. But I look at them every day now and often pause to soak them in.

I think these slivers are the things that make up who I am, and when I let any of them drift, I am a little less whole.

So, my slivers....

  • Reflecting
  • Writing
  • Doodling
  • Observing
  • Swimming

I suppose the ideal life has all five of these slivers part of my life on a regular basis, some daily, others a few times a week.... But any one of them ignored for months at a time, I think, takes away a little bit of who I am. Hmmm... maybe not 'takes away', but it's like I'm not fully alive when any of them are missing... Hmmm.... still not it.... It's more like I become more fully alive when they are all part of my life. It's about what I have, versus what I don't. It's like visioning - it can't be about the absence of something, it needs to be about the presence of something.

I am more alive and vibrant and whole when I am reflecting, writing, doodling, observing and swimming.

It's a start.

And something to reflect on, as I noodle this whole concept of what kind of life I want now. Back from my travels, I'm entering a new phase of my life. I decided when I was away that I would not go back to the same life I had before. I just don't know what that new life will be. But over the last week I have started to get a greater sense of what that might be. These reflections are part of that. Hmmmm.... Now if only I didn't need an income.... heh ;-)

PS - the rainbow and sunset pics were taken from the platform of the Royal Oak station, and the building pic was taken from the ramp walking up to the Brentwood City Centre station.

1 comment:

Shauna said...

Wow! Thanks for sharing your reflections. I feel more grounded just reading your blog ....