COVID Diary 3

I've been reflecting on what I do and don't like about keeping a diary through this.

I have mixed feelings.

I thought at first that it might be interesting to record the experience of a solo who is pretty content overall. I wasn't having trouble isolating.

By recording my experiences, it's both helped and made things harder.

Helped in that it has made me more aware of what I am feeling, I am noticing nuances that might have slipped by me before. And I'm definitely being present.

Made things harder in that by being more present, I am not distancing from my feelings. It is pretty easy for me to get into a zone, and not really examine what is going on all around me, to let it wash over me, and just be. This is forcing me to notice, and by doing so, stuff is coming up more. I am more aware, but I'm also having to process more. That's not a bad thing, but it's a harder thing.

In the end, it is better to be present and process as I go, but I miss the 'luxury' of being able to get into a zone for days at a a time, largely untouched by outside factors. I've also had something personal open up my heart a bit, and that is naturally making my emotions closer to the surface.

Yesterday this manifested in me feeling terribly sad... hardly surprising considering the number of crisis and trauma floating in the ether (pandemic, Nova Scotia shootings, the downed Forces helicopter), coupled with my awareness of friends who are experiencing loss. What got me was hearing the emotions of a journalist after speaking to the mother of one of those lost in the helicopter crash. Not that I am stoic, but I usually like to know the stories; it feels like a way to honour those who have been scarred or who have left us. But I hit a limit yesterday, and it stuck right there in my throat. As I was feeling this, and doodling, I found a tragic face making itself visible on the page, a crying eye, and bringing it out brought everything to the surface.

I am fortunate in that I have skills learned from many years in therapy that I can turn to when I get emotional or stuck. I wasn't yet at the stage of being overwhelmed, let alone panicked, but I have a deep knowledge that even if it gets that bad, I can cope with it. I can process it, I can work it out. This gives me a lot of strength when the chips are down.

The time I learned this was upon my arrival in Athens in 2009, and I had a big dose of culture shock. I felt traumatized and it went very deep. It wasn't so much Athens itself, but I was vulnerable, and something tilted, and I was not doing well. It took me a couple of days to work through it, I think, but I was able to figure out what was going on, and dug deep to find myself, rescue me, and get grounded again. I write about that a bit in my blog (Arrival in Athens and Chocolate, worry beads and a Greek rainstorm), and although I did not reveal a lot, I remember what a mess I was. That experience has taught me how resilient I really am. And the knowledge of that has helped me a few times in recent years, when I hit a wall. In the present, I wasn't there (yet), was just feeling emotional, but I was reminded of this, and it gave me comfort.

In the end yesterday, I worked it through a bit, then mostly distracted myself for the day (with all news off), and gave myself time.

Today, I feel much better.... but it's also what inspired me to think about how documenting at this time is helping me, and not helping.

Not helping? No, it's not that. It can never be a bad thing to be present and to deal with one's stuff, but it IS harder.

Harder isn't a bad thing.

I think I'd rather have it be harder, and have to work it through, than not feel anything at all, or feel oblivious.

It's all good, it's all good....

Chocolate, worry beads and a Greek rainstorm

OK, I was really feeling culture shock last night after my arrival in Athens (which I'll say more about another time), so today I set out to shift how I was feeling. I figured I was in the right spot to try out worry beads (these are a creamy yellow) - they really work - and gave myself some time to doodle, which always relaxes me.
This is the spot I ended up sitting. I thought I had chosen a little cafe, but it turns out I was at Haagen-Dass... oh well, what's a girl to do? Had a Coke Light (as they call Diet Coke here) and a banana and chocolate crepe that was so rich I couldn't even finish it. Yum.

But it wasn't long until a storm erupted... and I mean fast. Even the most hardy ducked inside. Raindrops so big I could capture them on my camera from my new spot inside! The spot that I ended up warming with a nice shot of vodka (it was quite a cool HD place)

My charming waiter clearing up the tables as everyone vanished from the terrace. I got a clearer picture, but I love the movement in this one...

Girl walking by...

If you didn't have an umbrella, no worry, there were guys out hawking them an instant after the first drops fell. This industrious guy was making sure everyone inside knew he had the essential wares....

I hadn't meant to take many pictures today. I was thinking that I needed to just settle into where I was, and focus on what I was feeling, and be here. Versus picture myself being here. But ended up capturing these few....

I spent a couple of hours getting to know my 'hood, having coffee, doing some banking, getting more provisions... just getting the lay of the land.

Oh yeah, and shopping. You know, when the going gets tough, the tough get shopping.... But just a bit. Got worry beads both for myself and my sister who arrives at midnight tonight. And a little silver bracelet. And a pair of lovely little harmony balls.

I am now home, dry and tired. Listening to Stevie Wonder and I'm just going to chill for the rest of the afternoon - then stir myself later to head out to meet my sister's flight (very excited!).

Arrival in Athens

So... I have arrived in Athens!!!! I took this picture from my window (which opens!)...
Just to prove it's really me, here, in this place, taking these pics...

So, how did I get here?

If you have been to Athens, I am staying in the Monastiraki area, about a block from the Metro station. Right below the Acropolis. Ruins everywhere, a big square with vendors selling fresh fruit and olives, huge flea market streets....

This is my street. I kid you not.

This is the inside of my elevator. Yes, there is an elevator, but it's a little different from what I'm used to...

OK, now to the flat. It's like this place is plunked down on top of the city, one amazingly incredible flat, renovated by the 2 architects who own it.... down on the street it is hard to imagine that this exists just upstairs....

Here's my "picture" window...

This is the view from where I sit at the kitchen table, on my laptop. Thank goodness I've been able to "borrow" some wifi here.

This is the view looking the other way in the flat:

I will post some more pics another time... for now, I am here. And I am experiencing my first big dose of culture shock this trip, and I was only partly ready for it. I'd spent one night in Athens on my way to Rhodes, but it was in the Syntagma Square area, which is more tourist based. A bit of culture shock, but not much. And Rhodes was mild, mild, mild....

Athens is chaos. Period. Much good, but a little mind blowing. I am reading Dinner with Persephone (review here), which has done alot to explain what I am seeing... I really gotta finish that book!

Anyways, I'll say more another time... but for now, I got enough provisions that I can tuck myself inside, enjoy the view (which is about to get spectacular with the sunset and the lights...), have a few drinks and just decompress.

Tomorrow night my sister arrives from Canada to spend the month with me here, I can hardly wait...

There is so much to see here, and so much history, I am looking forward to it. But veeeerrry glad we can have a relaxed pace here.

Oh, and one more pic, look closely, and you see the eyes of a slightly dazed woman... you should see the pics I took before I remembered to smile. Heh.